[dar-list] The Latest News

[Fu Ling Yu]

New York, NY (Jan 13) - Authorities reported today that John Mark Karr 
surrendered himself at a local police station.  He admitted to supplying 
various people with illegal controlled substances.

"Yes, Karr is free on bail pending investigation," stated NYPD spokesman Fu 
Ling Yu.  "Karr confessed to supplying marijuana cigarettes and steroids to 
people."

In a tape interview, Karr confessed to not only the previously mentioned 
offenses, but also to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

"He claims to have been on the Grassy Hill behind Daley Plaza on that 
fateful day," stated the NYPD spokesman.  "Now he resides in semi-anonymity, 
broadcasting music over the Internet from a farm in Connecticut."

A large amount of evidence was gathered from Karr's residence, including a 
pair of jeans with an American flag patch sewn on the butt, a large quantity 
of empty Mickey's Malt Liquor bottles, a large number of empty boxes from 
the Krispy Kruller Doughnut Shops, and an undisclosed number of recorded 
tapes featuring telephone conversations illegally obtained via pretexting.  
More evidence would been collected, had it not been for a sudden tsunami 
wave from The Ocean which wiped out the garage housing all of the evidence.

The NYPD played one of the tapes.  A female voice exclaimed, "Oh no, the 
fields of Iowa are not silver corn interspersed with bosomy hills as I 
thought, but they are fruited plains towered by a backdrop of purple 
mountains!"  Another conversation featured a female voice declaring, "Cab 
Calloway... yes, I will be recording a tribute album to him in 2007, and my 
son will be singing backup vocals!"  Yet another conversation heard a male 
voice bolding stating, "I wouldn't have made over 60 home runs that season 
without your help!"  Finally, a very static noisy recording had a large 
crowd shouting in Latin, "Run for your lives... the volcano, Pompeii... it's 
going to blow!!!"

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